About family as social construct

About family as social construct
(28 June 2019)

Throughout time, humans have tried to organize themselves in various ways in order to survive and prosper. One of those ways, and probably the most important one, has been the family.
The idea of family serves several purposes:
– it creates a safe place in which children can grow;
– it acts as an organized structure in which emotions can be expressed freely;
– it makes surviving and living easier for individuals;
– it acts as a center of gravity for people’s desires and hopes;
and more.

In order to accomplish its benefits, the family, as a social construct, must impose certain limitations, such as:
– a problem that arises inside must first be addressed inside (only when no solution was found, external help is accepted);
– there has to be a certain degree of similarity between its members (expressed in many forms);
– internal aspects must receive greater importance and urgency than external aspects;
and more.

The benefits and limitations of the family interact with each other in various and complex ways. Sometimes it leads to great pleasure and satisfaction, while sometimes it creates intense traumas or emotional pain. We need to consider both scenarios when talking about this topic, both are as important. Sometimes it can be hard to see both aspects, especially when we didn’t experience one of them directly ourselves. But I think all of us have been, at one point or another, on both sides of a family, inside and outside, and we were able to at least observe this social construct from both points of view. I think all of us have seen both some positive and some negative aspects of it, either from inside or from outside.

So the question becomes: what should we do about this ?
We, as a society, should start by asking this exact question: what should we do about this ?
Are we satisfied with the current state of the family, this social construct ? If not, in which ways should we change it ?
This question needs to be asked not by individuals, but by the whole society. The individual can only start the discussion. If we are to make any significant change to this social construct, we must have this discussion, as a whole.

 

There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.

— Nelson Mandela

About being part of a group

About being part of a group
(28 June 2019)

We, as human beings, seem to have an innate desire to create groups with those who have similar interests as us. Sometimes the need is strategic (like politics), sometimes it is psychological (like friendships), sometimes it is physical (like sexual partners), sometimes it is spiritual (like churches). Sometimes it is not a need as in lacking something, but a desire to create a better future.
We can accomplish this need or desire in basically two ways: we either create our own groups (regardless of how small or big) or we join other existing groups. If we start a new group, we can decide how we want that group to be like. If we join an existing group, we have to integrate ourselves according to its structure, which will determine what we can and cannot do. If we want to join a group, we have to first accept its limitations, at least in the beginning. Within any group, there will always be things we like and things we don’t like or wish to improve or change. It is important to choose the groups we join in such a way that their strengths align with our strengths and their weaknesses do not bother us too much.

Some of the general aspects that all groups of people share would be:
– the number of members (it could vary from a few to hundreds or thousands, in which case the group is actually organized as having multiple sub-groups)
– the age differences (it could include people with same age, like in schools, or it could be open to anyone, from teenagers to old people)
– the requirements for joining (it could be free for anyone, or it could have a very strict criteria)
– the expected participation (it could be that members are expected to come to different meetings or to get involved in specific ways, or simply socialize online)
– the purpose of the group (in the end, the group must fulfill its purpose, even though its purpose might change with time)

When we want to join a group, we must ask ourselves what is that we need or want to accomplish and what kind of group would fit our own personality. Sometimes we might find out that the group we wanted to join is not a good fit for us, which is perfectly fine, we cannot join every group, nor should we do that. The groups we are part of should give us way more benefits than the requirements they impose on us, otherwise we should invest our energy in different places that are better suited for us.

 

No one can live without relationship. You may withdraw into the mountains, become a monk, a sannyasi, wander off into the desert by yourself, but you are related. You cannot escape from that absolute fact. You cannot exist in isolation.

— Jiddu Krishnamurti

 

About relationships and communication

About relationships and communication
(27 June 2019)
(23 June 2019)

This might sound pessimistic, but when it comes to love relationships, life proves itself to be complex, too complex for us to be able to come up with a set of rules or guidelines that will solve all the problems. We can try, and sometimes we will succeed in small aspects, but in the end, we have to accept it as it is. It is important to understand this, because otherwise, we will have all sorts of wrong expectations that will only create trouble.

There are many factors involved in relationships, one of the most important ones being communication. Currently, the world is struggling when it comes to dealing with how individuals should interact in order to create beautiful relationships. The old ways are no longer reliable. Everyone seems to be left to choose his/her own approach and hope for the best. The problem is that most people don’t know what to do, how to act, how to communicate their desire and intention. Not only this, but the whole idea of talking about how to build relationships is not always considered socially acceptable. So not only that we don’t know how to deal with this, but we are also afraid of searching for better solutions.

We don’t know how to express that we desire a relationship and we don’t know how to reject when such desires are expressed. We inevitably end up in conflict.
There is no simple answer to this whole problem, but there are improvements that can be made. Small improvements in the way we approach relationships can create big changes in our lives.
We first need to be aware of this whole problem and then be willing and interested in finding a solution. We need to first have the desire to solve this and to be willing to become vulnerable and put the effort into solving this. We need to be willing to discuss about this topic.

As individuals, there are small steps we can take in this direction:
– start talking about relationships as a general topic;
– stop criticizing people who talk about this, even if they fail;
– stop lying to ourselves and to others;
– stop building defenses and taboos;
– start practicing being more vulnerable.

In the end, we have to accept our situation and at the same time, hope for a better future.

 

But behavior in the human being is sometimes a defense, a way of concealing motives and thoughts, as language can be a way of hiding your thoughts and preventing communication.

— Abraham Maslow

 

About personal things and control

About personal things and control
(22 June 2019)

When we value something, we tend to enhance our control over it, in one way or another. It can be our personal stuff or even the people close to us.
When we share the things we value, we want to make sure that the other person will take care of them according to our expectations. When the other person takes the initiative to use our things, we feel less comfortable, not because of the action itself, but due to the will of the other person, which lies outside of our direct control.
This does not mean we do not trust the other person, but simply that our need to have control is stronger than the trust. It is not because we value our things more than the other person, but simply because fear of loss is a very strong emotion to handle. Most of the time, this fear is outside of our control.

Now… will such a situation impact the trust we have in the other person ?
It depends on how well we manage the fear of loss, on how stressed we are and how strong the emotion is at that time. This is rarely about the other person. It is about ourselves and our emotional intelligence, which can be developed to reduce our reaction to such situations.

If we happen to actually be the other person in such a situation, what we could do is to make sure our friend is feeling fine and the emotional stress is handled. We can take the situation as a lesson for ourselves, in case we would be in that situation ourselves.

 

What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.

— Jiddu Krishnamurti

A Short Inquiry

A Short Inquiry
(25 March 2019)
this image of me
in constant fear of itself
— stupid illusion

this identity
changing and changing again
— missing irony

questioning the whole
is this me or is this not
— hide and seek, the game

body, emotions
desires, ideals and more
— anything but none

what are the symbols
through which the seeing is done
— a silent question


Confused, Observing

confused, observing
(15 January 2019)
calm and beautiful
is a movie of the I
— watching the watching

muddy and troubled
is a mind confused with I
— fear of being lost

a lost perception
is regained with memory
— one moment away

quiet and silent
is the act of seeing it
— one process, just one

a life as a play
is seen by an empty mind
— movie director

 

 

Wholepicoetry

Wholepicoetry.jpg
(2 January 2019)
I, the poet,
	a wizard,
shall define
my craft:


(Chapter One)

	What is this ?

	These words
		that I'm writing,
	what are they ?

	What is
		their meaning ?
	What are they
		describing ?
	Where are they
		coming from ?


(Chapter Two)

	Voices and symbols.
		Images.
		Thoughts.
		Spells.

	One might call them
	as one wishes.
	But is one aware
		of them ?
	Or is one
		one with them ?

	Can the distinction
	be made
		and seen ?
	Can one see
		beyond one's
		five senses ?
	
	Can one notice
		the subtle
		movement
			of life ?


(Chapter Three)

	There is sadness,
		grief,
			struggle,
				fight,
					anger,
				pain,
			suffering,
		fear,
			oh yes, fear,
		conflict
	in one's mind.

	And one's mind
		is everyone's mind.
	One mind.
	
	One can accept
	or one can refuse
		to look at
			oneself.
	Psychological battle
	between
		one's self
	and
		one's life.


(Chapter Four)

	What is
		this energy
			that is felt,
			that is power,
			that is joy,
			that is left
		inside
	one's being ?

	What is the energy
		that is present
			when one has
			no more energy
		to live
		or do
	anything ?

	What is the energy
		that brings
			enjoyment
		in the torrent
	of depression ?


(Chapter Five)

	Importance,
		this mighty word,
	is the difference
		between
			what one does
		and 
			what one does not.

	Importance
	is the difference
		between
			what the world is
		and
			what the world is not.

	It makes
	all the difference
		to see
		the importance
	of giving
	importance.


(Chapter Six)

	What is the role
	of a poet ?
	
	What is 
	that world
		in which
	the poet
		will have
	his role ?
	
	Is it simple ?
		Is the world
			simple ?
	Is it easy ?
		Is the world
			easy ?
	
	Simple and easy...
	such weird words
		to describe
			a world.
	
	Why do we 
	see it
		this way ?
	Why do we
	fail
		to comprehend
			the complexity
			and austerity
			of 
				what we call
			world ?

	Is it 
	that one
		intentionally
	ignores
	what one
		does not like
			seeing ?
	Is it 
	pain
		and fear
			of pain
	that one
	tries 
		to avoid ?
	
	So what is
	the role
		of a poet ?


(Chapter Seven)

	Stories...

	As long as
	one remembers
		there are stories.
	All one remembers
		are stories.

	Stories and characters...
		inextricably linked.
	What is the story
		one tells
			of oneself ?
	What is the character
		one plays
			in one's life ?
	Is it
		the hero ?
	Is 
		it 
			the
				HERO ?
	Then what is
	one's life ?


(Chapter Eight)

	The joy 
		of being.

	The joy
		of being.

	BEING !

	Does one feel 
		that joy ?
	Or is one
		caught
		in routine,
		in monotony,
		in repeating
			one's days,
			one's years,
			one's life choices ?

	Does one
		love
			the world ?
	Or does one
		ignore it ?

	Does one
		love
			one's life ?
	Or does one
		ignore it ?

	One shall
	BE
		the hero
			of one's story,
		a story of beauty,
	beauty
		of living.


(Chapter Nine)

	Words...
	Symbols...
	Spells...
		spoken
		by voices
			inside
			one's mind.
	Thoughts.

	One can listen.

	They enchant
		one's life.
	They create
		one's life.
	Can one
	see them ?
	Can one
	choose them ?

	Fear...
		of making
			the wrong
				choices.
	Learning
	and growing...
		making
			the right
				choices.

	One can choose
		the spells
			one uses
			on oneself.
	Lets choose
		wisely !


(Chapter Ten)

	That energy
		of being,
			of oneness,
				of nothingness...
	Can one
	feel it ?

	Can one
	die
		one moment
	and be reborn
		the next moment ?

	Can one gather
	energy
		out of nothing ?

	Can one feel
		the exuberance
			hidden
		in the space
		between things ?

	If one does,
	what is one
		afraid of ?

	Can one be
	a hero
		beyond time ?
	One shall be
		such a hero.


(Chapter Eleven)

	We need
	better spells.

	We need
	better stories.

	We need
	to create
		beauty.

	Better armors.
	Better weapons.
	Better warriors.
	Better emotions.

	We need
		to fight
			better.

	Better wizards.
	Better solutions
		for a better
			world.

	Lets enjoy
	the battle
		between
	old
		and
	new !

	Lets enjoy
		being !


(Chapter Twelve)

	So...
	what is
	the role
		of a poet
	in a world
		of magic ?

	Someone has to
		write
		the spells,
	don't they ?

	Symbols
		of life,
			of growth,
				of learning,
			of healing,
		of being.

	Symbols
		of one
		and all of us,
	the whole
		humanity.

	One epic
		battle
			of transcendence.
			
	One story
		of beauty,
	one poetry.

	Whole
		Epic
			Poetry.
	Wholepicoetry.

	Lets begin !