It seems that nowadays we have an abundance of options in all areas of life. And with all these options comes a lot of choices that we have to make. It seems that we have an abundance of options, but we lack a point of reference from which to make the right choices. In some areas it’s even harder when the social recommended choice is obsolete and does not satisfy our needs. Today, this seems to be the case for love relationships or life partners.
It is hard to choose the right life partners when our lives change so often and sometimes quite drastically. Our life partners would have to change with us if they are to remain in our lives at the same level of connection. It is not easy to find someone who will change in the same way as we do, especially when we don’t know how we ourselves are going to change.
Nowadays, we can find many resources online about how to find the perfect partner for ourselves based on preferences, personalities, life goals and so on. But as always, just knowing the theory is not enough when we actually try this in practice. It seems that what is required is to use the same trial and error approach to relationships that we use in other areas of life. This becomes very difficult if our society does not encourage this approach due to a lack of understanding of life’s complexity. Our first choice needs to be to find a person who has the same trial and error approach, so that our expectations are realistic.
What can we do if we already have a partner, but our expectations are not matching ? Should we end our relationship or try to fix it ? The solution to such an issue has to come from both parts. To truly have a love relationship, we must first have the same definition of what our relationship actually is. If our definitions and expectations conflict with each other, our love is questionable. It is important that we acknowledge that breaking the relationship is not always the best solution. It depends very much on our circumstances. Our decisions have to take into consideration all aspects of our lives and not just our present feeling.
In the end, we need to remember or realize that our control over our situation is limited. We cannot separate ourselves from our environment. Our lives is a continuous interaction between our choices and all the other choices that happen around us. And we should not judge ourselves for making choices that seem wrong sometimes. Never before have our lives been this complex in the matter of options we have and choices we must make.
I learnt to stop fantasising about the perfect job or the perfect relationship because that can actually be an excuse for not living.
— Alain de Botton